omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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