I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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