I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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