DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
