take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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