I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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