We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
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