I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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