Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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