I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
