whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i think i have two assholes
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
