Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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