Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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