Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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