so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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