When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize