Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
