that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
