She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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