I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
