hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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