you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
