i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
