wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
