she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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