Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
