i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Holy sore nipples Batman
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
