There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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