I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
