Will you blow on my dice?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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