Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude i'm inner monologue high
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
