Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
