dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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