So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
