I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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