I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
love makes seman taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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