Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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