did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
