and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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