I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
