My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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