Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
