yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
