why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
