Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
