I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
