ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ugly people sure do ruin things
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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