How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
