friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
