I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
