I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
