If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
