I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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