It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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