I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
