Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
