She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
