even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
