It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
