Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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