glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
