i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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