Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
