We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize